Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
