see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
