Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
