I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
