If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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