Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just found puke in my bra..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
