I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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