I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
