I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
