Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
