My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
