i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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