Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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