wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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