Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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