Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
