I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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