I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
