Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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