she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
