I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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