I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
