Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
