I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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