alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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