Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
