You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
