that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
