She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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