did you get engaged???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
