I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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