You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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