I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
