its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
