shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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