I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
