this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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