you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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