i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
