I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
