The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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