member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
