im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
