Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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