So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
