You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
