I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
