no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
