he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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