I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
