ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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