i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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