watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
