I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
