Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
